he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
