my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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