ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
