You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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