In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
