I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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