i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
