Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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