so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.