Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
