You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
