I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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