I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
