if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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