i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
