My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
