I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
