You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
