can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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