nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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