Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
