Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
