I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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