things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
