the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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