Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
