are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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