I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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