What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
