Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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