well you can't waste a boner
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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