ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
love makes seman taste better
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
