its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize