I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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