you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
