how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
