I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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