now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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