I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
