my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
