I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
