I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
its not stalking. its research.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
