remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
