No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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