Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
