I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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