next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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