either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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