Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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