Got a toothbrush?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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