sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
