He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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