It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
