I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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