New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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