I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
