I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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