Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize