Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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