We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
